Jeremiah 29:11 hope

My name is Shaun, not sure where to start. So I’m going to start with this. After years of being an atheist and attempting to end my life. I recently found Christ. The change made me realize that life is about joy, love, compassion, forgiveness and mercy. To be unattached to everything, except your own joy! I have had couple of surgeries in past two years. (inguinal hernia both side, right hand carpal tunnel) Below are my feelings that has lead me to here asking for help.

2 Corinthians 9:6-8
Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.

I am 39 with Narcolepsy with cataplexy, severe sleep apnea, depression. For so many years I have fought hard to maintain my work. To be a provider for my kids, to give them what they want and need. To keep my vehicle, my house. But I can’t do it any longer. These materials things aren’t worth my life of complete misery. I feel like I only live to work and sleep, cause after work I have no motivation for anything else.

Depressed is a understatement of the feelings I have. What is it like to live a normal life? I truly don’t know. I wake up every day with this gnawing feeling. I try to push it away, but it gets worse. It doesn’t stop. This feeling, it’s heavy, cloudy, foggy, forgetfulness, difficulties with concentration, just an overall ability to think clearly. All the heartache, the fatigue, the stress, it’s getting to me. I just don’t know. I guess at some point, I have stop caring. I look at my life, day after day, and see what it is. I see my future and all I can see is my tired, fatigue, drained self, the arguments, hardships, explaining my tardiness, my sleepiness, my mistakes.

If you ever been extremely sleepy, then you know how moody, irritable a person can be when being tired. Its so hard to control my emotions, not to blow up, cry or yell. To go around and try to put on a show for everyone that I’m fine. But deep inside I’m a disaster, I’m the walking dead! I don’t love myself, I don’t love life, I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s like any part that has ever felt alive is long since dead inside me. The pain of this being my life to the end is torture! I have applied for SSD. So now I can watch myself slowly lose everything I have worked so hard to maintain. It’s all been for nothing. I’m the big Loser, Narcolepsy Wins!

In 2014 I applied for bankruptcy. I have managed to get my credit score close to 700 if not above that. In 2017 I bought a 2016 Nissan Frontier. Before I made my second payment, a tree branch that was the size of a tree trunk, fell on top of my new truck while driving down the road.






Insurance decided to fix it instead of totaling it out. Cost insurance little over 10k to repair it. I still owe 29,000k on it with a rebuilt title. This is our only family vehicle. I’m 1200$ behind on rent, cell phone about be shut off. I have been selling my tools, trying sell my tool chest. Bank allowed me to skip a payment for August on vehicle. My neighbor gave me enough to pay my water, I used some local charity’s that paid electric and some on my rent that bought me another 30 days. These services can only be used once a year. Our family’s can’t or won’t help.

So that’s my story, Trying to maintain these things, almost cost me my life! I’m willing to lose everything to find life again if I can. I’ve come to believe, God has a purpose for us all. I’m still here, I don’t know why? But if it’s the lords will, for us to maintain what we have, I believe he will lead them to help us. Any help is much appreciated. May God bless all of us in need. Thank all, who has taken the time to read my burdens.
Love all my Brothers and Sister.


Email at seeker30@live.com
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2 Corinthians 9:11-12
11 You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God. 12 For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God.